Elle (tragicfolklore) wrote,
Elle
tragicfolklore

  • Music:

Greener

I'm starting to reflect. I've noticed I'm not as depressed anymore because I don't have any real life friends, even if I complain about that at times. Back when I had depression, I noticed social problems seemed to be my fuel for just about every personality defect I had. But now I feel like I have no purpose and nothing to look forward to, even if I don't care. I guess I'm finding myself saying it's worth it to be in role one, constantly questioning who I am and what's wrong with me and looking forward to being in these shoes I have now, the flats of apathy, than wearing these flats and feeling like life paths and destinies and non-circular timelines are just another crack in the sidewalk that I anxiously want to step over. I guess it's okay to wear these shoes every once in a while, just so I feel comfortable for a little while. but I'm really anxious to get back to where I was before. When I was 16, I wanted to be 18. Now that I'm 18, I want to be 16 again.

The grass is always greener on the other side.
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